My Daughter Just Learned That She Has a Second Grandmother-and That She Wants Nothing to Do With Her

"Because of this, my mother-in-law, "Edna," has never accepted our relationship. She refused to go to our wedding, has never spoken to her granddaughter, and still pretends my husband is single. As far as she's concerned, every person who has a college degree or who makes money without manual labor is evil, full stop. She believes my entire family is made up of categorically bad people-and that her son is a traitor for marrying into a pit of vipers."

"Dear Messy, This has been very hurtful, and I admit I kind of hate her when I spare her any thought at all. Sam's relationship with his mother is very strained, but still extant. He would call her once a month or so for most of our marriage. But Edna developed cancer, and with my permission, he's been going over a lot more to his mother's to help her as best he can to keep up with things while she undergoes chemotherapy."

"That wouldn't be a problem in itself, except that Amy found out from this whole saga that she has a second grandmother and wants to know why she never met her before. Edna makes it very clear that she does not wish to see Amy ever. Amy's been very, very hurt by all of this, and I'm struggling to communicate to her that none of this is her fault and that some people, even relatives, are just hateful and foolish. And yet, despite that"

A married couple has a four-year-old daughter and began with a difficult relationship due to stark class divides in their home country. The mother's father is a mid-level government bureaucrat, and the husband's family is mostly working class. The husband's mother, Edna, never accepted the marriage, refused the wedding, and has refused to speak to her granddaughter, viewing educated or non-manual workers as evil. The husband maintained a strained relationship and increased visits while helping Edna through chemotherapy. The child discovered a grandmother she never met, feels deeply hurt, and the mother struggles to reassure her that she is not at fault.

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