""I have never believed in God, but I have always asked him for favours... Maybe this is just what praying feels like to firm believers.""
""I have begged that God might change me, but I have never believed God is real, and we cannot rely on the things we don't believe in to ever save us.""
""These hands stocked the grocery-store shelves in Whitehorse... I started working for him... gained experience under the sound of power tools, men's voices, and the distant static of the radio.""
""I never liked my name, and I never fully understood why... they realized at the last minute that my initials would spell ASS, and that felt like setting me up for failure.""
The author reflects on their name, initially intended to be Spencer, but changed due to unfortunate initials. This has led to a lifelong discomfort with identity. Despite not believing in God, they've often sought divine intervention for personal change. The narrative reveals a deep connection to hands-on work across various environments - from grocery stores to a glass shop - linking their personal history, dreams, and struggles for change with their unfolding identity.
Read at The Walrus
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