"It's funny to think of people getting up in arms about any capitalist appropriation of "Santa Claus," a 100 percent made-up corporate advertising mascot bearing the same relationship to the Christian historical figure of Saint Nicholas that Hannibal Lecter has to the murdered prison guard whose sliced-off face he wore as a disguise to escape confinement. This is a figure that exists pretty much explicitly to obfuscate the religious meaning of Christmas in favor of a Satanic monthlong veneration of shopping and consumerism."
"I am no longer a full-time writer primarily because I work too slowly and the pay sucks. But a secondary reason is that my brain does not carve out hardline stances that make for good takes. For example: I don't particularly like Christmas! But even with my humbug sliders maxed out, I could never reach the level of contempt that ur-crank Albert Burneko doled out for Santa Claus:"
A weekly NFL humor feature appears every Thursday during the NFL season and invites reader contributions via email. The person ceased full-time writing because of slow pace and poor pay and because rigid opinions do not form easily. The person dislikes Christmas but acknowledges parental obligations. Albert Burneko expresses extreme contempt for Santa, denouncing the figure as a completely fabricated corporate advertising mascot that replaces the historical Saint Nicholas. Santa is depicted as a ruddy-cheeked 'Greed God' presiding over a monthlong consumerist bacchanalia, likened to a ghastly casino erected atop the ruins of a chapel. Games in the Jamboroo are rated by Throwgasms for watchability.
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