"Self-abandonment doesn't start with dramatic sacrifice. It starts with tiny moments of choosing everyone else's comfort over your own truth. By the time I became an adult, that pattern was deeply wired."
"I grew up as the first-born daughter-the responsible one, the helper, the one who didn't want to cause trouble. I learned early how to be 'good.' Good meant quiet. Good meant easy. Good meant not needing much. What I didn't realize then was that I was learning how to abandon myself."
"No one ever said the words dyslexia or ADHD to me. Back then, girls like me didn't 'have' ADHD-we were labeled sensitive, scattered, anxious, dramatic, emotional, or 'just not trying hard enough.' So I tried harder. I pushed. I overworked."
The author describes growing up as the responsible firstborn daughter, learning to be 'good' by being quiet, easy, and undemanding. Struggling with undiagnosed learning difficulties like dyslexia and ADHD, she worked twice as hard for half the results, internalizing beliefs that something was defective about her. Rather than seeking help, she pushed harder and stayed small with her needs. This pattern of self-abandonment—choosing others' comfort over personal truth—became deeply wired into adulthood. When she experienced a miscarriage, the invisible loss compounded her tendency to minimize her own pain and move forward without processing grief.
#self-abandonment #childhood-patterns #undiagnosed-neurodivergence #grief-and-loss #personal-boundaries
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