"During the session, I kept my promise; I listened. And as I did, I realized my mistakes. The big one was that, in sticking to a technique that she had specifically requested, I hadn't been as relational as I usually am, which left her feeling less connected to me. I recognize that for someone who grew up with narcissists, this type of loneliness and invisibility was particularly distressing, as it echoed her childhood wounding."
"When I named all of this and apologized for my well-intentioned missteps, my client seemed surprised and relieved. Reflecting on this, she noted that in her life experience, withdrawal had been the best option to navigate disappointment and anger because no one tried to understand her or take responsibility for actions that caused her pain. She experienced my willingness to listen, metabolize, and take responsibility for my part as profoundly therapeutic."
An abrupt termination email followed a client's perception of misattunement after a therapist suggested group support for narcissistic parental dynamics. The therapist invited a final meeting to understand and allowed space for repairing the rupture without pressure. During the meeting, the therapist listened, recognized that adherence to a requested technique had reduced relational engagement, and apologized for the impact. The client's history with narcissistic parents made the experience of loneliness and invisibility particularly painful. The therapist's acknowledgement and responsibility felt profoundly therapeutic, deepened the connection, and reopened exploration of intimacy, helping move therapy forward.
Read at Psychology Today
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