When Obedience Becomes a Wound

"I met him in Medellín, in a room arranged for listening rather than defense. The restorative justice session had been convened to allow stories of harm to surface without interruption, hierarchy, or verdict. Community members, facilitators, and victims sat in a loose circle, each voice carrying its own weight. He arrived quietly and chose a seat near the back of the room. He did not introduce himself. He listened."

"Throughout the session, he remained still, attentive in a way that suggested effort rather than calm. When people spoke of loss, of violence endured, and of the long silence that follows both, his posture did not change, yet something in his face tightened. When the room began to empty, he approached me and said he had not planned to speak. He had come only to listen. Still, something in what he had heard made it difficult to leave without saying more."

"The call had come late, marked urgent and familiar. A domestic disturbance, reports of a possible weapon, neighbors alarmed. He and his partner arrived at a dim apartment building, voices raised behind a partially open door, tension already thick in the stairwell. Commands were issued quickly. Movement followed. A weapon appeared, or appeared to appear. A shot was fired. The man died before medical assistance arrived."

A restorative justice circle was arranged for listening without interruption, hierarchy, or verdict, where community members and victims shared experiences of harm. A quietly present officer who had killed a man in the line of duty listened and later disclosed the event: a late call, a domestic disturbance, perceived weapon, a shot fired, and a death. Formal investigation cleared him and procedures were followed, but legal exoneration left unresolved moral pain. Violence produced internal wounds and an altered sense of self that did not show outward trauma. Repair began when moral pain was acknowledged and integrated rather than denied or punished.

Read at Psychology Today