
"In late November 2025, I had another mental breakdown. I was hurled once again into periods of psychosis, cycling OCD fixated on my moral character and whether I could be forgiven, anxiety that would lurch me awake into full fight-or-flight at 3 a.m. and not abate for the entire day, on top of depression so severe that I often could only move, quite literally, at a shuffling pace, so drained of will was I."
"This happens to me on occasion; the long-tail of PTSD and C-PTSD, along with the social traumas and internality of autism, create a noxious brew that I am often able to keep (mostly) under control, but on the occasions that the reins slip from my hands, I go mad in a quite literal way. I fall into deep wells of intense paranoia. Worse, I believe myself deserving of the invented networks of witness and judgment that in my mind are encircling me. It is hellish, a pit I am only now in late January rising steadily from with the aid of talk therapy twice a week on top of an added anti-psychotic to my medication regimen."
"In the throes, I could not read. For me, this is a shock. I read on average three books a month or so, spending functionally all of my spare time either writing or reading while records play. My eyes would slide off the page only to fall again to the burning light of paranoia. I couldn't play video games or sleep. I couldn't focus on television or film. All I could do, the entirety of my ability, was to sit in the time dilated hell of a full-blown panic attack for hours at a time, doing my damnedest not to drive any more people in my life away with the intensities of my psychosis than I already had. But throughout all of this hell was music."
Mining Metal is a monthly column highlighting noteworthy new music from non-mainstream metal scenes, focusing on small independent labels and unsigned acts. In late November 2025 a severe mental breakdown began, marked by psychosis, cycling OCD, intense anxiety, and profound depression that produced near-paralysis of will. Long-term PTSD, C-PTSD, social trauma, and autism compounded the condition and produced severe paranoia and imagined networks of judgment. Daily functioning collapsed: reading, games, sleep, and screen media became impossible, leaving prolonged panic attacks. Recovery began by late January with twice-weekly talk therapy and an added antipsychotic, while music remained the only sustaining presence.
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