"By this point, I'd developed my own opinions about my mother as a person, concluding that she was a taker, only interested in the easy path in life. When I visited her, she'd discuss her two ambitions: applying for public housing and suing the pants off the person who'd crashed into her car. Neither materialized."
"I was living in a goddamned orphanage! Kids on the school bus looked at me funny, and I was a loner during recess. When the ACCH wanted to take a trip, we'd collect cans on the side of the highway to get the money from recycling, or we'd humiliate ourselves by selling lollipops in bank vestibules."
"All of this is by way of noting that by the age of 10, I'd come to realize the obvious truth of my situation: I was well and truly fucked. I might not make it out."
By age ten, living in a children's shelter in Albuquerque, the narrator becomes consciously aware of their parents' drug addictions and mother's severe mental health issues. The father is absent and the mother pursues unrealistic goals while remaining dependent on public assistance. Recognizing these patterns, the narrator begins to understand their own dire circumstances: living in an orphanage, experiencing social isolation at school, and participating in humiliating fundraising activities. The realization crystallizes into a stark acknowledgment of being trapped in a system with limited prospects for escape. Despite developing a close relationship with Omar, a community leader who is also physically abusive, discussing these circumstances remains difficult and fraught.
#childhood-trauma #institutional-care #parental-addiction #poverty-and-social-isolation #generational-hardship
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