Common Post-Breakup Behaviors of Covert Narcissists

"Covert narcissism operates on subtle control, emotional dependency, and plausible deniability, which makes their behavior more insidious and challenging to pinpoint. While the relationship is intact and they are benefiting from you, their abuse can stay hidden under the guise of concern, intellectual depth, "togetherness," or performative empathy and emotional attunement for years. However, once you assert a boundary or flex your autonomy, it disrupts their agenda and increases the propensity for many of the cruel behaviors, including covert reactive aggression."

"Because those high in covert narcissistic traits have difficulty tolerating a loss of control over their ex, they see their ex's independence as an attack. To reassert their power without looking like the "bad guy," they weaponize vulnerability, including giving the silent treatment and staging themselves in dysfunctional situations to see if their ex will reach out and "rescue" them (i.e., in a toxic rebound relationship, making themselves appear used or mistreated by their new partner"

Covert narcissists use silence, burner accounts, staged vulnerability, and low-effort intrusions to maintain proximity and control after breakups. Silence keeps the ex on heightened alert while sporadic contact aims to reactivate a trauma bond. Abuse often hides as concern, intellectual depth, togetherness, or performative empathy while the narcissist benefits from the relationship. Boundaries and autonomy trigger covert reactive aggression and escalation of tactics. They weaponize vulnerability by staging dysfunction, feigning hurt, or appearing mistreated to elicit rescue. When minor tactics fail, they increase abusive behaviors to reassert power and control.

Read at Psychology Today