"Yet here's the uncomfortable truth: those same qualities that earned you approval as a child might be sabotaging your happiness as an adult. I've been diving deep into this lately, especially after reading Rudá Iandê's new book "Laughing in the Face of Chaos". His insight that "being human means inevitably disappointing and hurting others, and the sooner you accept this reality, the easier it becomes to navigate life's challenges" hit me like a ton of bricks."
"That dopamine hit from approval became your drug of choice, and you might still be chasing it. Research from Psychology Today shows that while healthy validation is important, excessive dependence on external approval leads to anxiety and decision paralysis. You're thirty-five and still mentally asking "Is this okay?" before making choices about your own life. I caught myself doing this last month when choosing a new apartment."
Childhood 'good kid' behaviors such as seeking approval, avoiding conflict, and people-pleasing can persist into adulthood and undermine happiness and autonomy. Reliance on external validation produces anxiety, decision paralysis, and chronic polling of others for permission. Avoiding conflict to maintain approval sacrifices authentic needs and increases resentment and emotional exhaustion. Chronic people-pleasing wastes energy on meeting impossible expectations and prevents trusting personal judgment. Recognizing that disappointing others is inevitable can reduce fear of failure and free cognitive and emotional resources. Identifying and changing these habits supports healthier boundaries and improved adult well-being.
Read at Silicon Canals
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