The specific loneliness of being surrounded by people who only know the version of you that makes their life easier - Silicon Canals

"You can be deeply known on the surface and profoundly unknown underneath. People can accurately describe your preferences, your humor, your habits - and have zero access to your interior life."

"The false self isn't pathological on its own - we all modulate. But problems emerge when the false self becomes the only self anyone has access to."

"Your colleagues like the version that handles things calmly. Your partner relies on the version that doesn't spiral. Your friends count on the version that keeps it light. None of these people are villains. They're just responding to incentives."

People often develop a carefully maintained projection of themselves in social relationships, presenting a version that never needs too much and never disrupts dynamics. This false self emerges when environments reward performance over authenticity, a concept rooted in relational psychology. While social modulation is normal, problems arise when the false self becomes the only accessible version. Colleagues, partners, and friends reinforce this useful version through comfort rather than malice, creating incentive structures that penalize emotional complexity. The result is a paradoxical loneliness where individuals are deeply known on the surface yet profoundly unknown underneath, feeling more isolated in full rooms than in empty ones.

Read at Silicon Canals