"Losing your temper when something sets you off can leave you, after things simmer down, embarrassed, ashamed, and perhaps in trouble with the people you care about the most. Perhaps you were at a small, informal gathering when one of the other guests spilled a drink all over your brand-new outfit. You swear that this was intentional, even though the offender's profuse apologies would make it appear otherwise."
"While the drama plays out, your partner begs you to stop yelling, but to no avail. It's not until much later that you realize your partner was right, and the whole thing was an unfortunate accident. Why couldn't you have stopped yourself before the situation erupted? The Advantages of Interpersonal Emotion Regulation Being able to turn to others for help in calming down could be an effective way to prevent the many disastrous consequences of losing your cool."
Interpersonal emotion regulation enables partners to help each other calm down and avoid damaging consequences from uncontrolled outbursts. Emotional eruptions can create embarrassment, shame, and damaged relationships when reactions are disproportionate. Couples differ in their willingness to accept help during emotional turmoil, and effective interpersonal regulation depends on quality and receptivity. Five specific strategies for regulating a partner's emotions are identified as practical tools for affective stability. Identifying and selecting the strategy most likely to work for a given partner can foster emotional learning and mutual growth within the relationship.
Read at Psychology Today
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