"My boyfriend's daughter has begun, when we are alone together, to ask me about my sex life with her dad. She's 14, well past the age of knowing that's inappropriate behavior, I think. The first time I gently told her that the answers were private, and she seemed embarrassed, so I didn't mention it to anyone. Then it happened again."
"You've done well with this so far, but you're absolutely right that her father needs to step in here. It could be a matter of this teenager finding herself on the cusp of sexuality, being more aware of what's going on between you and her father, and pushing some boundaries as a way of working out her roiling emotions and resentments."
"It could also be that something is not right in her life-such acting out can be a sign that she's had unwanted sexual advances. But it's not your place to handle this, it's your boyfriend's. You can set the tone by not presenting this as an affront to you, but a matter of concern because this seems to go beyond normal teenage behavior."
A woman reports that her boyfriend's 14-year-old daughter has begun asking intrusive questions about the woman's sexual relationship with her father, including graphic inquiries about sexual positions and whether he is a good lover. The woman declined to answer and walked away, and she has not yet confronted the boyfriend because she dreads the conversation. The boyfriend needs to intervene, investigate the girl's motives, and address the boundary crossing. The behavior can stem from adolescent boundary-testing or awareness of adult sexuality, and it can also signal unresolved trauma or unwanted sexual advances. The father should respond calmly and seek to understand rather than punish.
Read at Slate Magazine
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