"If you live around people, sooner or later, you'll deal with the neighbor's loud music or yapping dog. If it's really impacting you and you'd like to try addressing it with your neighbor, first, figure out the big thing you value, also known as your underlying need. That's what Sasha Philip says. She's a mediator and arbitrator who helps people solve their conflicts."
"Philip says, imagine two next-door neighbors. Neighbor one has a big tree with pine cones, and the pine cones drop onto the lawn of neighbor two, who's not thrilled. SASHA PHILIP: They'll come in and say, well, your tree is littering my yard. I want you to take down the tree. And the other person might say, well, I really value trees. I moved to an area where there are trees because I really like trees. I'm not going to take this tree down."
"So both neighbors have strong opinions about what the outcome should look like, but it's hard to find middle ground when that's the case. So instead of focusing on their positions, Philip teases out their needs. PHILIP: I need a clean yard. Cleanliness is really important to me. And for the other person, nature is really important to me. Feeling like I'm surrounded by nature in these big trees is really important to me."
Neighbor conflicts like trash, noise, parking, weeds, and yard issues commonly provoke strong emotions but many can be resolved through low-stakes conversations. Start by identifying the underlying need that matters most, such as cleanliness or connection to nature. Focus on needs rather than fixed positions to create space for compromise. Practical solutions can meet both parties' needs, for example scheduling periodic yard cleanups to address debris from a neighbor's tree. After identifying needs, decide whether to tolerate the situation or pursue a conversation to negotiate a mutually acceptable solution. Approach the conversation calmly and with specific proposals to increase chances of agreement.
Read at www.npr.org
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