Miss Manners: Can we use the wedding save-the-date as an elimination round?
Briefly

Miss Manners: Can we use the wedding save-the-date as an elimination round?
"Alas, there is no polite way to say, Please come but we'd be grateful to hear that you won't. It is never safe to presume which guests would decline. It is not even safe to count on any answers received this far in advance, as plans often change. In an ideal world, you would know who is coming within a week of sending actual invitations,"
"In an ideal world, you would know who is coming within a week of sending actual invitations, which is when prospective guests should respond. Ha. Rather, when that time comes, you will probably have to call around to non-responders to find out. And if they say they are not sure, Miss Manners would condone your replying, Oh, I'm so sorry. I know Brenda will be disappointed. But of course we understand."
There is no polite way to use a save-the-date to request that invitees tell you in advance that they cannot attend. It is unsafe to presume which guests will decline and responses received far in advance cannot be relied on. Ideal RSVP timing is about a week after sending formal invitations. Hosts will likely need to phone non-responders when that time comes. If a guest replies they are unsure, a sympathetic acknowledgement signaling disappointment yet understanding is an appropriate response. Planning should account for travel constraints, venue occupancy limits, and guests' existing commitments.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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