"GENTLE READER: Not by explaining yourself nor by making up excuses. The question is not only intrusive but silly, as it presumes that alcohol is such a staple of life that a special exemption is needed. But as you keep socializing with people who believe otherwise, Miss Manners suggests that you treat this as the opening of a two-sided conversation. It is always tactful to show an interest in the other person."
"I've been in numerous situations where I've declined a kind offer of a drink and have been pestered as to why. Out for a happy hour with co-workers, I will just drink water, and I often get asked, So, why aren't you drinking? Initially I just shrugged it off, but after a while, I had to make up an excuse, so I lied that it would interfere with my medication. Oops now I'm asked what kind of meds I'm on!"
A reader stopped drinking after a DUI and faces repeated intrusive questions when declining alcohol. The reader sometimes lies about medication and resents being pressed for explanations. The recommended approach is to avoid explaining or inventing excuses because the inquiry presumes alcohol is the default. Instead, treat the question as an opportunity for a two-sided conversation. Show tact by expressing interest in the other person and redirecting with a pleasant question asking why they drink. Another reader, a hairdresser, reports feeling uncomfortable when clients hand cards in person without gifts and asks whether that practice is proper and in good taste.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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