My New Girlfriend Just Told Me What She Wants Me to Do to Her in Bed. This Feels Wrong.

"Much like a person's definition of "sex" can be so broad it encompasses everything two people can do together that arouses one or both, while another's is so narrow that it absolutely must include vaginal penetration by a penis and cannot include much else, "domination" might mean a million different things or one detail and that one detail alone. Most folks, whether the subject is sex or BDSM, have wider categories of interests and specific preferences within them."

"When we see BDSM and kink in media, whether it's Netflix's Bonding, Fifty Shades of Grey, or explicit pornography, we're getting a sense of the many possibilities for what that kind of sex can be (and that sense is weighted toward what entertains viewers and retains subscribers). We're seeing options. We do not need, or even necessarily want, to incorporate every potential course of action into our sex lives."

"Find out what submission means to Candice, and what aspects of it she needs to feel satisfied. It may be that none of her specific desires feel disrespectful or denigrating to you. More likely, there will be one or more aspects of the domination she wants that do challenge your values."

A reader uncomfortable with his girlfriend's request to engage in dominant-submissive dynamics fears it conflicts with his values of respecting women. The advice emphasizes that BDSM and domination encompass diverse practices with different meanings for different people. Rather than rejecting the request outright, the reader should have detailed conversations with his girlfriend to understand her specific desires and boundaries. Media portrayals of BDSM present limited options that don't represent all possibilities. Many aspects of submission may align with his values, while others might genuinely conflict. Open dialogue allows couples to identify compatible practices and establish mutual satisfaction without compromising personal principles.

Read at Slate Magazine