"The psychology behind it is actually fascinating. We're wired to see patterns we expect to see, a phenomenon psychologists call confirmation bias. When we meet someone new, especially someone we want to like or need to trust, our brains actively look for evidence that supports our hopes rather than reality. There's also something called the fundamental attribution error. When someone behaves badly, we tend to blame it on circumstances rather than character."
"I dated this startup founder once who embodied every toxic hustle culture stereotype you can imagine. Working eighteen-hour days was a badge of honor. Taking a weekend off was weakness. During our third date, he actually took a conference call while we were at dinner and acted like I was being unreasonable when I suggested it was rude. But did I walk away? Nope. I told myself he was ambitious, driven, building something important."
People frequently give others the benefit of the doubt despite clear early warning signs. Confirmation bias leads brains to look for evidence supporting hopes instead of reality. Fundamental attribution error causes bad behavior to be attributed to circumstances rather than character, producing narratives that excuse problematic actions. A dating anecdote shows consistent behavior—prioritizing work over relationships—appearing early and persisting. Ignoring warning signs can be harmful; keeping someone despite chronic bad habits can result in prolonged emotional cost. Recognizing cognitive biases and accepting demonstrated behavior can prevent unnecessary pain and wasted time.
Read at Silicon Canals
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