Winning arguments often results in losing relationships, confidence, and respect. Arguments should be approached as problems to unravel rather than battles to win. This analogy is illustrated with the concept of a knot representing conflict, which tightens as both parties pull against each other. Biological responses to disagreement include tension and a fight-or-flight reaction. Effective communication improves relationships, emphasizing the need to shift focus from winning arguments to understanding and resolving conflicts collaboratively.
When you set out to win an argument, you lose the relationship. You won the argument; you said the thing. The other person backs off. Congrats. What did you win? Awkward silence, contempt, loss of connection. Instead, see arguments as something to unravel.
When you find ways to try and unravel it, the better communication you're going to have, the better relationships you're going to have. Our response to arguments is biological; it cues the fight or flight mechanism within us.
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