"Being nice is all about how you wish to be viewed, whereas being kind means doing what is right never mind the optics. Nice is telling your friend her speech is fantastic being kind is pointing out that it's filled with bad jokes, none of which will work with the intended audience. Nice is ignoring the letter from school about nits because your daughter has curly hair that is impossible to untangle without hurting her being kind is carefully combing through it every night for a week to ensure her head is free from the itching, even if she hates it."
"When it's disingenuous, it's a superficial kind of action. It leads us to do hurtful things because our focus is on ourselves and how others perceive us. It's difficult, especially for women. So many of us have been conditioned to people-please: be nice, don't rock the boat, don't upset. Nice people smile a lot; they make you feel good in the moment but their niceness can blind you to ulterior motives."
Kindness involves doing what benefits others even when it is difficult or unpopular. Niceness prioritizes appearances and approval, often taking the easy route to feel good or be liked. Giving dogs treats to win favor undermined their training and exemplified being nice rather than kind. True kindness may require corrective or unpleasant actions that serve long-term well-being, such as honest feedback or persistent care. Niceness can be disingenuous and harmful when focused on self-image. Cultural conditioning, especially for women, often rewards people-pleasing and discourages necessary, uncomfortable kindness.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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