How I Learned to Silence My Inner Judge

"For most of my life, I have carried an invisible companion: a harsh inner voice that sounds like mine and tells me, over and over, that I am not enough. It's so oppressive that people close to me have often said they'd never met anyone so hard on themselves. Over decades of listening to that voice, I let it convince me that no achievement was ever sufficient."

"It was my Judge. That's the term Shirzad Chamine uses in his extraordinary book, Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours. Chamine explains that our minds are inhabited by what he calls saboteurs-distinct inner characters that undermine our happiness, confidence, and performance. Including the Judge, these saboteurs are near-universal, operating across cultures, genders, and ages."

"My own Judge was formed early in childhood. With my mom deceased, I grew up with a father who was psychologically and emotionally abusive, for whom no achievement of mine ever measured up. Through his words and example, I learned not only to be perpetually striving, but also unable to see my successes for what they truly were. By adulthood, I had so fully internalized that ever-tormenting voice that I couldn't distinguish between me and it."

A harsh internal Judge voice convinces individuals they are not enough, eroding satisfaction and driving perpetual striving. The Judge acts as the master saboteur among multiple saboteurs—distinct inner characters that undermine happiness, confidence, and performance. These saboteurs are near-universal across cultures, genders, and ages and originally served survival purposes but now limit well-being and potential. Early experiences, such as childhood emotional abuse and loss, can form and supercharge a personal Judge, causing achievements to feel insufficient and blurring the line between self and the critical voice. Recognition of the Judge enables steps to reduce its influence and reclaim satisfaction.

Read at Psychology Today