How to Give Your Self-Esteem a Software Update

"Low self-esteem can often be traced back to early adolescence and young adulthood, when you're extremely sensitive to how you're perceived by peers and how your social standing compares to others. If, back then, you perceived yourself as less attractive, capable, athletic, interesting, or less socially or romantically desirable, those impressions-accurate or not-could have created an emotional wound that stayed with you. Now, every time you experience rejection, failure, or loneliness, it can feel like a verification of your adolescent perceptions-that you are “less than.”"

"No matter how much you've changed or grown, setbacks in the present send your self-esteem time-traveling back to the past, and you feel like just like you did back then. It's as if nothing you've accomplished can undo the painful “truth” of your fundamental inadequacy or unacceptance. You do not have to be hostage to those emotional wounds forever."

"If your self-esteem is stuck in the past, you need to give it a software update and align it with the person you are today. You might have already done that mentally-in your head-because our conscious mind is reasonable and can be convinced by facts and evidence. However, our unconscious mind is not. It clings to old beliefs quite stubbornly, and it is those beliefs that drive your emotional reactions in the present."

"The first step is to reject the old, inaccurate narrative of unworthiness. The best way to do that is to ridicule it. When you're reeling from failure, rejection, or loneliness, your unworthiness can feel like “truth,” but remind yourself it was actually the opinion of a bunch of 14-year-olds. That is"

Low self-esteem frequently traces back to adolescence and young adulthood, when sensitivity to peer perception and social comparison is high. If you believed you were less attractive, capable, athletic, interesting, or socially or romantically desirable, those impressions could form emotional wounds. Later rejection, failure, or loneliness can trigger “time-travel” to the past, making setbacks feel like proof of fundamental inadequacy despite personal growth. You are not required to remain hostage to these wounds. Updating self-esteem involves rejecting the old inaccurate narrative and aligning it with who you are now. Conscious reasoning may accept facts, but the unconscious mind retains old beliefs that drive present emotions. Rejecting the narrative can involve ridiculing it by reframing it as the opinion of 14-year-olds rather than truth.

Read at Psychology Today