"Christmas alone. It's a loaded concept, an idea hidden behind a door I have kept locked ever since I became a mom 30 years ago. Maybe even before. I come from a big family. I gave birth to a big family. My big family gets bigger all the time, and this expansion has defined Christmas for us all but I think especially me. I've been terrified to think of Christmas any other way."
"I've spent so many years keeping Christmas for all of us, tugging everyone back closer together. Baking the cookies I've always baked, stuffing the stockings I've always stuffed. Decorating the same tree with the same box of the same ornaments that mean so much to us all. The rhythm of our holidays is as familiar to me as breathing, as welcome as slipping into my favorite warm pajamas. This is maybe the most beautiful time of my year. I cling to Christmas."
A woman from a large family describes deep attachment to longheld Christmas rituals and the comfort those rituals provide. She has maintained family gatherings, traditions, and decorations for decades and feels defined by that role. Her four grown sons are beginning to imagine celebrating Christmas in their own homes and on different days, a natural transition toward separate family lives. She recognizes the correctness of their choices and fears being an obstacle. She contemplates offering them independence, imagining how a solitary or differently planned Christmas might look and whether she can release her tight grip on tradition.
Read at Scary Mommy
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