"It's OK to not feel OK about something you know is good and right. This is a huge loss. One of the biggest chapters of your life is closing. Knowing that he deserves to feel free and happy about this does not mean you have to; his experience doesn't have to be your experience. You don't live life through his eyes, you live it as his parent."
"That means feeling more vulnerable, poignant, nostalgic and divided than the young person in the protagonist's seat. That's just the condition of parenthood. You would be a very weird parent indeed if you and he had identical feelings about his life."
"We mourn the things we've cherished. This feeling speaks to how much you've loved having him around. You want it to not consume you or him but that doesn't mean you have to feel bad about your heartache. Sometimes feelings get more intense precisely because we expect ourselves to settle firmly on happy or sad, with no ambivalence, so each side starts clamouring to win."
Empty nest syndrome involves legitimate grief over a major life transition, even when intellectually understanding it's necessary and healthy. Parents experience different emotions than their departing children, which is normal. Rather than eliminating sadness, the goal is accepting mixed feelings without judgment. Suppressing grief or expecting pure happiness intensifies emotional conflict. Acknowledging both the loss and the rightness of independence allows these feelings to coexist without dominating your life or relationship with your child. This acceptance creates space for connection while honoring the significant chapter closing in your life.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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