" Stop blaming yourself. Your parenting isn't the cause of your child's behavior problems. Stopping the blame isn't letting yourself off the hook. It's essential for solving the problems you're facing. Blame makes everything worse. Blame wastes time, causes conflict, and interferes with problems solving. Take responsibility instead. Responsiblity looks for solutions and models an important skill for your child. "You probably think we're the worst parents.""
"You agree with the critics! Deep down, you believe that you and your co-parent must be doing something terribly wrong. Here's the truth I want you to hear: You aren't to blame for your child's challenges. As Psychiatrist Dr. Stanley Greenspan put it: "You aren't the cause, but you can be the solution." Recognizing this truth isn't just about feeling better."
Parents of challenging children often face external criticism and internal self-blame, but parenting is not the cause of a child's behavioral challenges. Blame is counterproductive: it wastes time, fuels conflict, and impedes problem-solving. Stopping self-blame does not mean avoiding responsibility. Instead, responsibility focuses on finding solutions and modeling adaptive skills for the child. Recognizing that parents are not to blame is an essential first step toward effective intervention. Parents can acknowledge their child's difficulties, pursue constructive strategies, and seek help while maintaining self-compassion and commitment to practical problem-solving.
Read at Psychology Today
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