"In both my personal and professional lives, I'm continually struck by just how much parents judge themselves. Harshly. Constantly comparing themselves to other parents, comparing their kids to other kids; they just don't measure up. Or so they think. Teaching psychology, I understand where this comes from. It's hard to live up to the messages, the fake but perfect examples on social media, and the like. Who wouldn't feel like a failure when the standards are quite literally impossible?"
""I never knew love until I had a child!" Okay, sure, but lots of people are, in fact, able to know love without having children. Don't get me started on that one. There's this enduring myth that having a child means feeling indescribable love and connection within the first millisecond that the child is in your arms. And if you don't feel it, there's clearly something wrong with you. Nope."
Parents frequently impose impossible standards on themselves, leading to harsh self-judgment and continuous comparisons with other parents and children. Social media and idealized messages amplify feelings of failure. Developmental psychology shows that perfection is not required and provides reasons for reassurance. Immediate bonding is a myth for many; strong attachment can develop gradually and depends on numerous situational factors. Secure attachment remains integral to healthy development, but pressures around time and immediacy are often exaggerated. Most developmental milestones are approximate, and families generally have more time to reach goals than common narratives imply.
Read at Psychology Today
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