I noticed last month that I have been turning down invitations not because I don't want to go, but because saying yes used to mean rearranging my life around someone else's plan, and I'm still flinching at a contract nobody is asking me to sign anymore - Silicon Canals

"The reflex to decline does not always come from not wanting to go. Sometimes it comes from a body that learned, a long time ago, that saying yes meant signing a contract that extended far beyond the event itself."

"For most of my twenties and early thirties, accepting an invitation was rarely just accepting an invitation. It came bundled with logistics, emotional labour, the management of someone else's mood, and a low-grade obligation to make the night go well for everyone involved."

"The people inviting me to drinks in Singapore at 44 are not asking me to organise their life. They are asking if I want to show up for two hours and go home."

"The body has not caught up to this. It is still flinching at terms that nobody is putting in front of me."

A pattern of declining social invitations emerged, revealing a reflex to refuse despite a desire to attend. This behavior is often misattributed to introversion or anxiety, but it stems from past experiences where accepting invitations involved significant emotional labor and obligation. In the present, invitations do not carry the same weight, yet the instinct to decline persists. The body has not adjusted to the new reality where social engagements are less burdensome, leading to automatic refusals based on ingrained habits.

Read at Silicon Canals