2 Ways 'Scorekeeping' Is Ruining Modern Relationships

"According to new research from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, it's possible that some have. In the massive longitudinal study, researchers followed more than 7,000 couples over the course of 13 years. They checked in with these couples through as many as seven separate surveys. At each interval, the researchers were interested in measuring how satisfied the partners were in their relationships. More importantly, they also assessed how strongly each partner leaned toward what's called "exchange orientation"-that is, the inclination to keep score of what each partner gives and receives, and operate within the relationship accordingly."

"Communal relationships: Here, partners give freely and offer support, without keeping track of what they give and take. They do so without ulterior motives because they care about one another-not because they want repayment of some kind. If one person makes dinner, they won't tally up how many nights the other person cooked last week. Instead, they're either doing it simply because they want to contribute or because they know the other person isn't able to, and they ask for nothing in return."

"Exchange relationships: These partnerships function more similarly to those of business arrangements. Partners are highly attentive to who did what, and they also expect repayment, fairness, or recognition in return. Both small and large acts of care or service are kept track"

A longitudinal study tracked over 7,000 couples across 13 years with up to seven survey waves, measuring relationship satisfaction and each partner's tendency toward exchange orientation. Exchange orientation denotes an inclination to keep score of contributions and expect repayment or recognition. Communal relationships involve giving support freely without tracking reciprocation, motivated by care or situational need rather than repayment. The research framework contrasts these two orientations to explore how partners manage fairness, reciprocity, and perception of contributions within ongoing intimate relationships.

Read at Psychology Today