"Often, she exclaims how big my shoes look. Well, I am tall and have big feet, but I don't appreciate having that pointed out all the time. I never criticize how she looks. I fear she is anorexic. Every time I see her, I worry that she is killing herself, yet I bite my tongue. She is so frail. Why is it that she feels she has license to poke at me?"
"Have you ever asked her to stop? She may not know that her comments upset you. Next time she says something that you don't like, stop her in the moment. Tell her it hurts your feelings when she points out your vulnerabilities. You can add that you never do that to her, but don't elaborate by speaking of your suspicions."
One person reports a friend repeatedly criticizes their appearance, frequently commenting on their large feet, and fears the friend may have an eating disorder. The person is tall with big feet and feels hurt by the remarks while avoiding confrontation because of concern for the friend's health. Advice recommends asking the friend to stop in the moment, saying that such remarks hurt and noting that the speaker does not reciprocate such criticism. The advice warns against combining that confrontation with suspicions about an eating disorder and instead suggests a separate, compassionate conversation about the friend's weight and possible need for help. A second correspondent describes a one-sided friendship where they assisted an unemployed friend with job searches and money, then felt ignored when seeking emotional reciprocity; a request to meet led to a text complaint and an angry response accusing the correspondent of claiming exploitation.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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