What Do You Want Me to Do?

"After honing my self-awareness and Change Triangle skills, I began to get ever more curious about my angry response. Why did Jon asking me what I wanted him to do cause me such irritation and anger? One day, I thought to think and, most importantly, feel more about it. I turned inward to find the anger in my body. I asked my anger what exactly pissed me off, and then I listened to what my anger communicated."

"It was then that I realized Jon's question made me feel like a 'nagging wife.' I felt put in the role of the 'boss of the house.' This felt unfair. We both had careers, we both owned the house, and we both benefited from the execution of the household chores. So how did I become the one doling out tasks?"

A husband repeatedly asks, 'What do you want me to do?' in response to household complaints, which triggers his wife's annoyance and growing rage. The wife practices self-awareness and the Change Triangle to investigate the anger and locates it physically. She asks the anger what it is upset about and realizes feeling placed in the role of 'nagging wife' and 'boss of the house,' which feels unfair given equal careers and shared ownership. She shifts strategy by inviting her husband to jointly notice needed chores and asserts partnership rather than motherhood, which alters their dynamic and improves communication and mutual feelings.

Read at Psychology Today