"Forgiveness is often offered as a powerful solution, as an agent to not only help you heal from painful events but also allow you to move forward. The general idea is that holding onto anger can make you bitter and hold you back from healing from harm that someone has done to you. But the problem is that there are several serious complications when we try to use forgiveness as a solution."
"Glossing over unpleasant feelings not only doesn't work, but it also does not make use of the emotions. For example, hurt and anger carry vital messages from your body to your brain. The message from hurt is, 'Take care,' and the message from anger is 'Watch out, and protect yourself.' Before you forgive anyone, it's vital that you listen to these messages and heed them."
Forgiveness is commonly framed as a necessary step to heal and move forward, with many famous sayings encouraging letting go of anger. However, forgiveness can fail when used to avoid unpleasant emotions, because feelings like hurt and anger communicate important protective messages: hurt signals take care, anger signals watch out and protect yourself. Forgiving without acknowledgment or accountability lets offenders avoid learning from their actions and prevents real repair. When genuine remorse and responsibility are absent, prioritize setting boundaries, personal healing, and living well rather than extending forgiveness that bypasses accountability.
Read at Psychology Today
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