"You don't choose your siblings. It is an assigned relationship you are born into, an imposed and sometimes forced friendship. Siblinghood can be a sacred bond, a default support system, a protective factor. But over time, that bond may wither and turn into an obligatory relationship. Societal norms suggest that siblings should be our best friends forever, yet for many, these relationships are charged with old feuds."
"In many families, siblings grow up together under the same roof, yet grow up in different family dynamics, have very different upbringings, and contradictory narratives. Birth order, parental attention, and timing are all factors that shape siblings into experiencing different versions of the same parents. In Intermezzo, Rooney reveals that even in grief, Peter and Ivan don't come together. They can't, because they are not mourning the same person. They are mourning different versions of the same father."
Peter, a 32-year-old human rights lawyer, and Ivan, a 22-year-old former chess prodigy, navigate their father's death while grieving differently. The older brother approaches loss through practical responsibilities and legal work, while the younger remembers a distinct, possibly idealized father shaped by childhood timing and attention. Siblinghood is presented as an assigned relationship that blends belonging with mismatch, shaped by birth order, parental attention, and differing family dynamics. Shared grief fails to synchronize because each brother mourns a different version of the same parent, preventing reconciliation and mutual comfort despite biological ties.
Read at Psychology Today
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