"My time is really important to me. And I feel very sad and alone at the moment. It's become a lot of work to maintain this friendship. I don't want to lose my friend. I love her, I want to be supportive of her diagnosis, but I seem to be falling short in my heart, if not overtly. What can I do to be better at this? Can you suggest any resources that might help me understand?"
"It's possible to ask for what you need in this relationship and still be sensitive to your friend's needs. For instance, it's not appropriate to demand that she always be on time, but you can reinforce that communication is the bedrock of any relationship, so even after the fact you'd appreciate a check-in if plans are missed. It doesn't seem like you're being heard. Because what you described in your letter is someone whose candle is being burned at both ends, whose time is limited,"
A friend recently diagnosed with ADHD repeatedly arrives late or fails to show up without apology or prior notice. The affected person experiences significant stress from family illness and caregiving responsibilities and considers time a scarce, valuable resource. The diagnosis explains some behavior but does not excuse lack of communication. Effective boundaries can include requesting reliable check-ins when plans are missed and prioritizing communication over rigid punctuality. The friend may be overwhelmed and unable to be consistently on time but should still make an effort to show up. Honest, blame-free conversations about mutual needs can clarify expectations and preserve the relationship. Seek education about ADHD for greater understanding.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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