Getting Rid of Difficult Thoughts and Emotions

"In psychology, this is called experiential avoidance. Trouble is, this experiential avoidance may seem helpful in the moment, but research shows that continuous avoidance of uncomfortable or upsetting thoughts can actually increase our anxiety and distress. Indeed, Dr. Russ Harris outlined in his book The Happiness Trap that experiential avoidance contributes to anxiety, depression, and numerous other mental health challenges; the harder one tries to avoid the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, the "more bad feelings we create.""

"So why is struggling and pushing distressing thoughts and feelings away not helpful? The simple answer is that the difficult feelings and thoughts become intensified the more we try to push them away. For example, if we are very upset about something and we go and try and eat a bucket of ice cream, we may not really even enjoy this ice cream and, in the end, may continue to feel the intense pain without a clear way out."

"Harry Potter fans may appreciate the Devil's Snare as a metaphor for this - the more you struggle, the more you are pulled into it and are trapped, but the moment you relax into it, you start to come out of it. Similarly, I recently watched a whole video on how to get out of quick sand (as part of my own wandering mind), clearly showing that the way out of it is to relax and slowly wiggle through and up;"

Experiential avoidance—pushing away uncomfortable thoughts or feelings—often feels helpful but research shows that continuous avoidance increases anxiety, depression, and overall distress. Trying harder to avoid upsetting internal experiences paradoxically intensifies those thoughts and feelings. Behavioral examples include emotional eating that fails to resolve pain or creates additional guilt. Metaphors of Devil's Snare and quicksand illustrate that struggling increases entrapment while relaxing and moving slowly enables escape. Mindful awareness, reflection, and curiosity toward difficult experiences offer an alternative path that reduces the urge to struggle and facilitates gradual release from distress.

Read at Psychology Today