"I have a distinct memory of Margot's third week of life. She was screaming at the top of her lungs (we were on the 4th hour of relentless crying), and I was attempting every soothing approach I could muster and felt like an absolute failure. In a moment of desperation, I Googled "how to make a baby stop crying." As I read the search results, I felt tears well up in my eyes."
"What I didn't anticipate was how heavy those expectations would feel in the early days of parenthood. My high expectations left little room for grace or for the process of learning. If I had held the same belief I do now (nobody knows what they are doing), I believe I could have given myself permission to climb the steep learning curve every parent experiences,"
A professional background in child development does not prevent the steep, humbling learning curve of early parenthood. High expectations of oneself as a parent create pressure, reduce room for grace, and amplify feelings of failure during normal challenges such as prolonged infant crying. Desperation can prompt immediate problem-solving and reliance on external advice. Accepting that nobody fully knows how to parent allows permission to learn and to be kinder to oneself. Sometimes parenting choices are pragmatic rather than ideal, and doing the "right" thing can be far harder than sticking with the easier, wrong option. Feeling judged by others is common and painful.
Read at Psychology Today
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