"Have you seen "Chateau Mom and Dad"? It's very funny. For those who haven't seen it, it's a meme/video of a mom offering concierge services to her teen returning home from college. She asks whether they would like valet service (i.e., Dad bringing in their baggage from the car)? Meal service? (OK, you don't know when you'll be here? We'll just set a place in case....) Oat milk or regular? Full laundry service? You get the idea."
"Your teen wants independence and autonomy, and at the same time, they can easily fall back into the old patterns of dependence. They can enjoy being fed and taken care of. And yes, we are so happy to see them that we are glad to do some of that caretaking. But perhaps we also need to appreciate the skills they've gained while away and ask them to draw upon them while home."
Many parents provide extensive caretaking for college-aged children during visits, often performing meal preparation, laundry, and other services. College-aged young adults seek independence yet often revert to dependent habits and enjoy being cared for. Parents can be direct about expectations for laundry, meals, and household chores when children come home. Young adults have acquired practical skills and social awareness at college that can be drawn upon while home. Open conversations about parental feelings, boundaries, and the desired adult relationship can reduce resentment and clarify responsibilities during visits.
Read at Psychology Today
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