"Loving your donor conceived child and grieving over your genetics are two separate issues. People feel anxious or sad about using a donor and then assume those feelings mean they won't be able to love or bond with their child. Very quickly, the mind races with worries such as: Will the baby look like me or my family? Will they have any of our traits or quirks?"
"Most of us were raised with a simple picture of parenthood. We imagine a beautiful family of our own. Some children play house, tuck in their dolls or pets at night, and repeat phrases they have heard from their parents. Vary rarely, does that include a child who is not genetically related to us or our partner. So when donor conception becomes part of the picture, no one feels prepared."
"The truth is that no one is fully prepared for parenting. Babies don't arrive with manuals. Many parents take comfort in believing that a genetic link will help them feel naturally connected and able to understand their child and their child's needs. When this link is not there, parents and parents-to-be may feel lost, not knowing how they will form a connection."
Parents using donor conception often experience anxiety about genetic disconnection, fearing it will prevent bonding with their child. Common worries include physical resemblance, inherited traits, family reactions, and whether the child will sense or be affected by parental ambivalence. However, genetic connection and parental love are distinct issues. Many people assume sadness about using donors means they cannot bond with their child, but these feelings do not determine parental capacity. Donor-conceived children view their parents as legitimate parents regardless of genetic ties. Parents can simultaneously grieve the loss of genetic connection and develop wonderful, loving relationships with their children. Childhood conditioning about traditional parenthood often leaves people unprepared for alternative conception methods.
Read at Psychology Today
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