We all want big personal change at the push of a button but here is how to actually achieve it

"If you put pressure on the process, it will collapse. This is not only true of potty training. Sex, relationships, learning, play, recovery these are processes that need to unfold in their own way and time, because under pressure they will warp, buckle and collapse. Understanding this is key to building a better life but it is much easier to know this cognitively than it is to actually live it. We might say, No pressure, but saying something does not make it so."

"I wonder if it was this unconscious wish for immediacy that led humankind to develop machines and technology. Perhaps the inventors of the button in the late 19th century were driven by their frustration about the time it takes to grow and develop and learn and form relationships and raise children, and they created something that makes an instant change. You press a button and something happens — a light goes on or a sound comes out or an explosion goes off."

Potty training demands focused time at home and brings mess, setbacks and joy. Applying pressure to developmental processes undermines their capacity to unfold and succeed. Many human domains—learning, relationships, play, sex and recovery—depend on gradual progress that cannot be rushed without warping outcomes. A widespread longing for immediacy fuels attempts to shortcut time-consuming processes. Technological inventions like buttons and instant-change devices amplify the desire for quick results by offering an illusion of control. Real progress requires patience, acceptance of timing, and creating conditions that allow processes to develop organically.

Read at www.theguardian.com