We're Doing Child-Led Parenting

"Oh, you're doing baby-led weaning? We did that, too! It's really the only way to raise confident, independent little humans. That's why we decided to take it a step further and do child-led parenting. Hold on one sec-yes, Caleb, my love, how can I help your journey? I see. Yes, I understand that your heart wants to watch "PAW Patrol" right now, but remember you broke your iPad, so-O.K., yes, you can watch on my iPad. Great problem-solving!"

"Anyway, yeah, we started with gentle parenting, but we found that we were having difficulty maintaining boundaries. And then Derek and I realized that we're smart, capable people, and there's no reason to believe that our son isn't just as smart and capable. So we stopped enforcing boundaries. Instead we said, "Caleb is the one who needs to be parented. He should be in charge of deciding how it's done!""

"Actually, you know what? Caleb, my darling, I'm reflecting on our previous interaction and I fear that my saying, "You broke your iPad," was really blame-forward phrasing and might cause you feelings of shame or guilt. No, you're not feeling that? Well, just to be safe, I want to revise my words so that they carry less accusation. How's this: "Your iPad became broken while in your possession"? That's better. Right, yeah, you can keep watching "PAW Patrol.""

Parents shifted from gentle parenting to child-led parenting and ceased enforcing boundaries, placing decision-making authority with their son, Caleb. The parents prioritized giving Caleb complete control over activities, responses, and consequences. Parental language was continually revised to remove blame, accusation, or potentially shaming phrasing, including reframing "you broke your iPad" as "your iPad became broken while in your possession." The household emphasizes open and honest communication and avoidance of blame to prevent tantrums and assertion behaviors. The parents interpret their son as inherently capable and treat him as the primary agent in parenting decisions. This approach removes traditional parental enforcement.

Read at The New Yorker