"At some point in adulthood, many of us run into an unsettling problem. We have done many things.We carry many roles.We are useful, and productive. And yet, when we are by ourselves, we ask ourselves, Who am I, beyond what I do for others? During our busy days, we do not have time to think about it. And when we do, we do not ask this question directly. We answer it indirectly. We answer with roles and identities:"
"To my mother, I am a daughter who avoids depth, who does not bring up old memories or pain that might disrupt our "safe" relationship dynamic. I know she does not welcome those conversations. With her, I remain surface-level. To my children, I am simply the person who works too much and sometimes forgets to make dinner. And friends? Well, that question feels complicated."
Many adults answer the question 'Who am I?' with roles, achievements, and responsibilities rather than a sense of intrinsic self. Roles such as daughter, parent, friend, worker, and partner can feel true yet incomplete. Over time, these role-based identities may lose emotional attachment and leave a persistent unease. Descriptions from others often highlight fragmented aspects of identity across relationships. Confusing roles with essence impairs psychological flexibility. Psychological flexibility involves holding identity lightly, adapting to change, and recognizing the self as larger than any single role. Busy schedules and life pace make exploring deeper identity difficult, and friendships may fade.
Read at Psychology Today
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