#relationships

#relationships

"It means showing up and navigating discomfort by having honest conversations, and it sometimes means choosing your partner when it's hard and doesn't feel super cozy. There's no sweeping music and no perfect lighting - just a partnership that grows stronger the more you actually do the work."

Emotional intelligence is all the rage and, many would argue, it has been for some time. Ask any psychology professor and they'll likely tell you that it's one of their students' favorite topics. There's certainly no question that it's incredibly necessary and relevant today. Given consistent psychological findings that humans desire to avoid suffering, emotional intelligence is what we all want in our partners, our friends, our colleagues, and... the world.

Last week at a dinner party, I watched two of my friends get into a heated discussion about, of all things, whether dishes should be rinsed before going in the dishwasher. What started as playful teasing quickly escalated into accusations about control issues and wasted water. It got me thinking about all those tiny household habits that reveal so much more about us than we realize.

Relationships can feel like both a blessing and the bane of your existence, a source of joy and a source of frustration or resentment. At some point, each of us is faced with a clingy child, a dramatic friend, a partner who recoils at the first hint of intimacy, a volatile parent, or a controlling boss - in short, a difficult relationship.

In recent years, Lennox says, she's also gotten sober and started dating with greater intention. Her third album, Vacancy, documents this sense of resolve. "There's a space, a void I would love for someone to fill," she said in a recent interview. "But the reality is people be in and out like a gosh darn hotel." It's the potency of that still-unrequited desire and her indefatigable drive to fulfill it that's at the emotional crux of the record.

To a large extent, research agrees that open, honest communication predicts higher relationship satisfaction, deeper trust between partners, and longevity of their shared bond. However, he says, there's nuance within that. A truth that might startle most couples is that more communication is not always better communication. He explains that discovering this doesn't mean now resorting to playing games or withholding feelings: Instead, they should try to focus on learning the difference between healthy expression and over-processing.

Long-term relationships aren't easy. No matter how compatible two people might be, inevitably, there will be times when differences in opinions lead to arguments. Conflict, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. In fact, when handled well, it can lead to greater intimacy because partners feel heard, understood, and respected, essential ingredients for a solid emotional connection. On the other hand, hurtful conversations are divisive and can corrode the foundation of any relationship over time.

I had some messed up ideas around a woman's role and the influence of porn on that Jake was my first. I was 17 and he was 18. I lost my virginity way later than all my friends; sex had been so far out of my comfort zone. For me it was like social currency and I put a lot of pressure on myself to get it done.

Even if it's cold, and even if you're so tired, you should still trudge out the door to meet your friends, go on the date, get to the workout class, or whatever else you have scheduled. The King of Pentacles has a reliable, steady energy, which is especially helpful if your New Year's resolutions are starting losing steam. Be kind to yourself in the days ahead, and treat others the same way. Everyone says they want a close-knit community, but you actually need to show up in order to create it.

I've been financially responsible my entire adult life, and while I don't want to see debt as a dealbreaker, and I wouldn't break up with him over it, a part of me wants nothing to do with his debt. Also, I worry about what this says about his financial habits.

The five apology languages were coined by Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, andclinical psychologist Dr. Jennifer Thomas, Chapman's co-author of The 5 Apology Languages. In the same way that love languages are meant to describe how a person might recognize love when it's given to them, apology languages can help partners understand what it is about an apology that makes it feel genuine to the person they love.

Knowing when to leave a relationship is not a dramatic moment of collapse. More often, it is a quiet reckoning. A slow accumulation of truth. People imagine that leaving happens because love disappears or conflict explodes. In reality, many people leave because the daily effort of holding themselves together inside the relationship becomes weightier than the fear of being alone.

If you grew up feeling emotionally unsafe, unseen, or unloved, it's natural that your adult relationships might carry some of those same fears. You might unconsciously recreate familiar dynamics, because the brain often returns to what it knows, even when it hurts us. Much of early relationship conflict stems from our unhealed wounds. Tension often arises not just from our own behavior patterns, but from a lack of understanding of our partner's attachment needs and behaviors.

Maybe it's a job you hate or that no longer gives you satisfaction. Or an intimate relationship where the emotional connection has long since frayed, and you're now living parallel lives. Or, perhaps a friendship that was once vital but has now been downgraded to an acquaintance at best, or one that's unbalanced, where only your periodic outreach keeps it alive.

During Cher's appearance to promote her memoir, Shepard asked the singer who she'd see as a dream partner for Bell - who was also present for the chat. "Because I know you think she could do better, and I don't disagree," Shepard explained. Bell laughed it off, explaining that her husband of 12 years was simply being "self-deprecating" - and telling Cher, "You've never thought about that." "No! I just like her," Cher said of her Burlesque co-star.

Empathy flourishes in relationships that feel safe and nonjudgmental. The human brain resists large demands but cooperates readily with small, manageable ones. When the goal is too big, motivation collapses under the weight of expectation. But when the goal is tiny, the nervous system relaxes long enough to try. When a relational goal feels too big or too inauthentic, the nervous system can perceive it as a heavy load and shut down in response.

Doubts are normal in relationships, but persistent doubts might signal deeper incompatibility or that your partner may not be right for you. It's not uncommon for my clients to ask, with desperation in their eyes, "Should I end this relationship? How do I know if I should end it?" No one can answer this question but you. And how annoying that is not lost on me.

Your tarot card for New Year's Day is the Queen of Wands, which represents sparkly, positive qualities like confidence, passion, charisma, optimism, and determination. This one's for everyone who celebrated exactly how they wanted to last night. Did you dance 'til dawn? Kiss your date at midnight? Go to bed by nine? Queen energy means following your own path.

I used to love coming home from vacation. The way the plane would swoop over London's skyscrapers and the River Thames before landing at Heathrow. Returning to my favorite places, people, and my job. Until one day, I burst into tears on a flight home from Italy. When I turned 30, I thought I had it all with a great career in London managing communications for TV networks.

This year, commit to unplugging for a set period of time each day, whether that's before breakfast in the morning or an hour before bed at night. "Make a joint resolution, not just an individual one, to set a time limit on social media and phone use when you're together," said Smith, who specializes in counseling men. "Challenge yourselves to make a list of fun, enjoyable alternative things you can do together instead of the isolating behavior being on our phones brings."

You two agreed that consumerism is bad, but last year she somehow stumbled upon a nosehair trimmer without spending any money (Amazon shipped it by mistake and said not to worry about returning it, or she won it in a white elephant gift exchange, or her mom inexplicably gave it to her) and she thought, "Well, everyone has a nose. Let me give this to my boyfriend since [this is the key thing] neither of us really cares about gifts anyway."