When to Prioritize Solitude-and When to Participate

"It's not just the holiday season. We live with this tension every day. The pull toward solitude versus the longing to belong is not a simple dichotomy but something that requires constant reflection and recalibration. For me, it is one of the central challenges of being human. When I say "group," I mean more than casual socializing. I include much of our outer world: family, school, work, groups formed by hobbies or shared interests (bandmates, pickleball team, neighborhood boards, volunteer organization, and more)."

"In fifth grade, when I stood up for a classmate who was being bullied, I became the next target, a common outcome in a closed social system. What was traumatic was not the bullying itself, but the silence of others. At the time, I mistook the silence for assent. Only later, I realized that silence could mean many other things: fear, lack of safety, discomfort, or quiet resistance."

Holiday invitations and group activities can bring joy or feel like obligations, creating tension between personal needs and collective expectations. The pull between solitude and belonging demands continuous reflection and recalibration. Groups encompass family, school, work, and organized social circles such as teams, boards, and volunteer groups. Growing up as an introvert in Japan imposed strong pressures for harmony and conformity, especially for women, leading to feelings of suffocation. A childhood bullying incident revealed that silence from others can signify fear, lack of safety, discomfort, or quiet resistance. Moving to the United States offered a sense of individual freedom and breathing room.

Read at Psychology Today