"You don't ease your wife's hang-ups. You respect her current boundaries. Where you're saying your son is nearly a year old, I'm seeing a woman who is not even a year out from giving birth for the first time. Your wife's position might change again if you can exercise patience. If you push the subject, though, you're likely to create distance, resentment, and a rigid and eternal "no" on this practice."
"It feels telling that you omit any mention of what your wife's reasons are for her decision. OK, yes, because the two of you have a child, but is this about fear of STIs? Does the fact of motherhood mean a change in the boundaries of what she considers acceptable conduct? Has something about the physical and hormonal process of pregnancy changed her relationship to her body or her desires?"
Convincing a partner to have sex when they feel uncomfortable risks coercion and can destroy a relationship. Respect for a partner's current boundaries is essential. A person who recently gave birth may be less than a year postpartum and still adjusting physically, hormonally, and emotionally. Reasons for avoiding sex parties can include fear of STIs, changing sexual boundaries after motherhood, altered relationship to one’s body, or priorities like infant care and sleep. Patience is advised. Pressuring a partner can create distance, resentment, and a lasting refusal of previously acceptable activities.
Read at Slate Magazine
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