Forgiveness is often misunderstood. Here's why

"Difficulty working through conflict with those close to us can cause irreparable harm to families and relationships. What's more, the inability to heal these relationships can be detrimental to physical and emotional well-being, and even longevity. Healing relationships often involve forgiveness-and sometimes we have the ability to truly reconcile. But as a professor and licensed professional counselor who researches forgiveness, I believe the process is often misunderstood."

"In my 2021 book, Practicing Forgiveness: A Path Toward Healing, I talk about how we often feel pressure to forgive and that forgiveness can feel like a moral mandate. Consider 18th-century poet Alexander Pope's famous phrase: "To err is human; to forgive, divine"-as though doing so makes us better people. The reality is that reconciling a relationship is not just difficult, but sometimes inadvisable or dangerous, especially in cases involving harm or trauma."

Two in five Americans have fought with a family member about politics, with one in five becoming estranged over controversial issues and one in five blocking family on social media or skipping events. Difficulty resolving conflict with close others can cause irreparable family harm and impair physical and emotional well-being and longevity. Healing relationships often involves forgiveness, which can be pressured as a moral mandate and is commonly misunderstood. Forgiveness functions as an internal laying down of ill will separate from reconciliation, and reconciliation can be inadvisable or dangerous in cases involving harm or trauma. A 2025 study explored emotions around forgiveness, karma, and revenge.

Read at Fast Company