"She's facing surgery in a few days, and I had the epiphany that an old-fashioned phone call would be welcomed. We talked for more than an hour, about a wide range of topics, and my sense was that we were both having a good time. As we were winding down, she got serious and said some kind things about me."
"GENTLE READER: Your friend's words touched you because they were genuine and spontaneous. No doubt she was also feeling sentimental in the face of her upcoming surgery. Had you immediately responded in kind, it might, as you say, have felt disingenuous. But if it is bothering you, Miss Manners suggests you get really, really old-fashioned and write her a letter expressing a few thoughtful things about her and the friendship."
A longtime friend became more isolated by health challenges and rebuffed lunch invitations, but accepted a lengthy phone call before an upcoming surgery. During the call she offered a sentimental, spontaneous compliment that the caller hesitated to reciprocate in the moment for fear of seeming reactive. The recommended response is to write a thoughtful, old-fashioned letter conveying appreciation and the value of the friendship. A handwritten or personal note avoids an in-the-moment, possibly disingenuous reaction while delivering an authentic, touching message that the friend can read and cherish during recovery.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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