"My college girlfriend and I (both women) were together for four years, through a pandemic, graduation, and almost a year of post-graduation long distance. It was a very good relationship; we basically never fought, treated each other very well, genuinely liked each other, etc. She broke up with me a few months ago after realizing she wanted kids-I definitely do not."
"It was hard, but...I'm kind of astonished by how well I'm taking it? It's not just me noticing this, either. In the lead up to our breakup, when we were talking a LOT about what was going to happen, she noticed that I was very calm. Unusually calm, for someone talking about ending a four-year relationship! I am generally a measured person, but usually, any kind of conflict makes me immediately cry. Instead, this calm pragmatism just came over me."
"Post-breakup, I think my friends and family kept waiting for me to fall apart, and it just kept... not happening. I'm as surprised as they are. It was like I skipped right over the first four stages of grief to acceptance in less than a week. Both of my parents, my best friend, my therapist, and my co-workers, have all probed with various degrees of delicacy to ask if I am REALLY alright. And yeah, I think I am really alright."
She was in a four-year relationship with another woman that spanned a pandemic, graduation, and nearly a year of post-graduation long distance. The relationship was stable, rarely involved fights, and included mutual respect and affection. Her partner ended the relationship after realizing she wanted children; the narrator does not want children. The narrator experienced unexpected calm and rapid acceptance before and after the breakup, skipping the expected stages of grief. Friends, family, and therapist expressed surprise and concern about the lack of visible distress. She considers that a mutual, respectful ending over an incompatibility may explain her reaction but remains curious if something else is occurring.
Read at Slate Magazine
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