"You have a few options for pursuing the kind of sex that you crave. One would be in the moment-as you begin to go at it, tell him that you want to have PIV before he has his way with your breasts. That way he doesn't even have the opportunity to make a promise he won't keep. You could also have a conversation (or series of conversations with him) outside of a sexual context."
"Maybe the answer is, much like the in-the-moment suggestion, that he has vaginal sex with you until you orgasm and then he gets to do his thing with your breasts. Maybe he's no longer interested in PIV sex, which would be a bigger conversation (could you live on "bread," as you put it, for the rest of your life?). But if that's the case, it would be important for him to tell you and for you to hear it."
You do not have to consent to sexual acts you do not enjoy. Allowing a partner to engage in a preferred sexual activity is voluntary, not obligatory. One option is to set an in-the-moment boundary by requiring vaginal intercourse before permitting breast-only activity. Another option is to have one or several calm conversations outside of sex to express dissatisfaction and to negotiate a mutually satisfying order or compromise. If the partner no longer wants PIV sex, discuss whether a reduced sexual repertoire is acceptable long-term. If needs remain unmet, insist on honest disclosure and consider whether the relationship accommodations are sustainable.
Read at Slate Magazine
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