At the end of November of 2011, I saw my dad take his last breath. I came back to the United States after participating in all the death-related rituals that helped organize my pain in México. New York City was not a place to live my mourning, and right around December of the same year, I felt an intense longing to become small again. I needed to work with children.
I'm looking at the stage but I don't know what I saw, even though the message is somehow clear. I was invited into the self-reflection of a lost person, projected inward through an attempt to escape from the simulation of post-apocalyptic reality, which through our human stupidity has turned our world into a capitalist grey wasteland, where you can survive if you accept that you don't exist, and there is only us.
Bring two or more people together and they will immediately begin to synchronize or fall into rhythm with one another. Not only do we tend to subconsciously mimic one another's movements, postures, facial expressions, and gestures, but recent breakthroughs in technology have revealed we also sync up our heart rates, blood pressure, brain waves, pupil dilation, and hormonal activity. This phenomenon is known as interpersonal synchrony, and it is possibly the most consequential social dynamic most people have never heard of.
You know that person in the meeting who barely says anything, yet somehow everyone turns to them when decisions need to be made? I've been fascinated by this phenomenon ever since I started interviewing people for my articles. After talking to over 200 folks ranging from startup founders to middle managers, I noticed something striking: the ones who commanded the most respect weren't always the loudest voices in the room.
We've all been there, caught in that uncomfortable dance with someone who seems to have mastered the art of manipulation. Here's the thing: You don't need a confrontation or clever comeback to protect yourself. In fact, some of the most powerful ways to disarm a manipulator involve no words at all. Psychology research shows us that our nonverbal responses can completely shift the power dynamic, leaving manipulators without their usual foothold.
Some people just come off as more trustworthy than others. It's hard to put it into words, but with certain people, you might find yourself spilling your guts upon first meeting, feeling a sense of safety and comfort that puts you at ease and lets you relax. Others might put you on guard in a visceral way-you don't know exactly what it is, but something about them makes your nervous system vigilant, and you start to second-guess what you tell them or how close you let them get.
Led Zeppelin warned us about the perils of misunderstood communications in relationships. Failing to translate what we are trying to say or do so that someone else gets it is the root of so many problems. But translation is a fantastic find when it goes right. Here are some things I've learned about translating meaning from a lifetime of speaking numerous languages, practicing a wide array of martial arts, and communicating science.
In the courtroom, judges are perceived on different levels based on a variety of factors, from attire to attitude. In addition to a black robe and judicial demeanor, observers interpret proceedings through a judge's verbal and nonverbal cues. From statements to silent sentiment expressed through emotion, observers (including jurors) follow the judge's lead regarding everything from evidentiary relevance to importance. Accordingly, when the stakes are high and emotions are higher, a judge's behavior can make or break the perception of justice.
First, urge everyone to keep their cameras on. In most meetings, maintaining visual contact is the norm. But if this is not the practice, urge the moderator or your colleagues to keep their cameras on. Body language and facial gestures play a big role in persuasion. Seeing others allows you to "read" your audience. Strong body language and eye contact on your part will strengthen your pitch.
