#social-belonging

#social-belonging

Growing up, the sound of aluminum foil being carefully smoothed flat against our kitchen counter was as familiar as my mother's voice. Each piece would be washed, dried, and folded into a neat square for the drawer where we kept our collection. The same drawer held plastic bags from the grocery store, rubber bands from vegetables, and glass jars that once held jam but now served as drinking glasses.

Instead, it evolved as something closer to a social instrument panel that offers a constant readout of where we stand with others and whether our place in the group feels secure. One influential account, sociometer theory (e.g. Leary et al., 1995), argues that self-esteem tracks perceived acceptance and rejection, quietly nudging us to protect our belonging. From an evolutionary standpoint, that makes sense given how for most of human history, being excluded was an existential threat.

No one needs a Ph.D. in psychology to know that good relationships are important, but there is a ton of research that shows how essential good relationships are to mental health and even to physical health and longevity. Studies show that life feels more meaningful when we are connected and feel we belong. We are hardwired for bonding, yet it can be hard to connect in meaningful ways, which is something many students struggle with in college.