When Is Divorce a Solution to Marriage Problems?

"Can all conflicts in marriage be resolved? In general, I say yes, given adequate collaborative problem-solving skills with a willingness on the part of both partners to hear each other's concerns and to look for ways to be responsive. In response to one of my earlier posts on conflict, however, someone named Cynthia raised a very real question: Is divorce ever a legitimate part of a win-win solution? Here's my current thinking on that question."

"Fixing the marriage is generally a preferable goal if the problem is skill deficits and/or emotional sensitivities, i.e., high emotional reactivity on the part of one or both partners. These are problems that good therapy generally can remedy. I take marriage as a very serious commitment. Much research has established that marriage generally benefits individuals. Married folks, statistically, have better physical health, enjoy more feelings of well-being (emotional health), and even end up better off financially."

"When there are children, fixing the marriage is generally preferable. Divorce most often necessitates the children's lives having to straddle two homes, alternating between two residences. Far easier for the kids to live in one place they call home. In addition, when parents separate, they significantly increase the likelihood that their children will lose the sense that marriage is forever."

Marriage requires advanced interpersonal skills and collaborative problem-solving. When both partners are willing to hear concerns and respond, most conflicts can be resolved through skill-building and therapy. High emotional reactivity and skill deficits respond well to therapy and improved communication. Marriage generally promotes physical health, emotional well-being, and financial advantages. When children are present, preserving the marriage often better protects children’s stability and modeling of lifelong commitment. Divorce forces children to split time between homes and raises their likelihood of skepticism about marriage. However, certain situations such as addictions, abuse, or affairs may exceed tolerable limits and make separation the healthier option.

Read at Psychology Today